Welcome to Hounslow!

Just thirty minutes away from London's west end you will find the idyllic tourist town of Hounslow. Enjoy the sites, sounds and smells that are Hounslow in this recently discovered travelogue...

Mr & Mrs Karno meet Lloyd Kaufman!

Tromanale, Berlin, some time ago.

Shockproof Film Festival - The Moving Images

I present some highlights of Fred Karno and friends at the Shockproof Film 2009 Festival in Prague. Being introduced are the two KinoKarno films Can You Keep It Up With This That And The Other For Week and Cult Of The Planet Of The Apes.

When Plumbers meet...

Hello again. I just wanted to share this rare photograph with you. Together for the first and probably last time: Christopher Neil, star of Stanley Long's The Adventures Of A Plumber's Mate and Vic Pratt, star of the recent semi official 4th entry in the 'Adventures' series The Adventures Of a Plumber In Outer Space. Not sure which one is which...

Plumber film nominated for award!

Fred Karno's hilarious homage to the great British sex films of the saucy seventies has bee nominated for the prestigious Delta Award at the renowned Festival Of Fantastic Films. The judging takes place on the morning of Saturday 17th October, and the full details can be seen on their website, link above. Mr and Mrs Karno will be in attendance armed with envelopes stuufed with cash as 'presents' for the judges...

Ooh it is awful... but I quite like it...

The other night I spent the good part of 2 hours watching the Dick Emery feature from 1972, Ooh You Are Awful. This was made in what could be classed as a ‘golden era’ for films based on popular British TV comedy shows. It was in fact probably the only era that this was happening, but calling it golden makes it sound so much more exciting. Pretty much any sitcom from the late sixties to the late seventies had a feature version made, and they generally did surprisingly well, with the three ‘Buses’ films (On The, Mutiny On The, and Holiday On The) all being in the top ten money making releases for the years that they came out. On those successes nearly every sitcom made the jump to feature from more obscure offerings such as For The Love Of Ada and Father Dear Father to popular fare such as The Likely Lads, Porridge and Man about The House. This sequence ended in 1980, with what many consider to be the nadir of this genre, or even British comedy films in general, George and Mildred. The League of Gentlemen recently tried to revive the genre with a feature spin off of their BBC show, but it remains the only recent attempt, although rumours persist of Red Dwarf and Alan Partridge making the leap to celluloid.
Ooh, You Are Awful was based, not on a sitcom, but a BBC comedy sketch show The Dick Emery Show. This was one of the staples of BBC’s Saturday evening line up for many years showcasing Emery’s talent for impressions slightly saucy sketches which usually involved him in drag (‘Mandy’), as doddery old man (‘Lampwick’) or wearing comedy false teeth. Benny Hill and Monty Python also made features based on their sketch shows, but they were basically versions of their classic sketches just re filmed for the big screen. Ooh differs from this in that it has a single narrative throughout and Emery fits his famous characters into the plot.
The title comes from the most well known catch phrase from his show “Ooh, you are awful… but I like you” uttered by Mandy, Emery in drag as a busty blonde bimbo ( looking slightly sinister yet strangely attractive…). It would appear that there was no place for Mandy in the film proper as she is merely used in a pre credits sequence purely to say the immortal catchphrase and segue into the titles.* The main protagonist is one Charlie Tully, a con man, played relatively straight by Mr Emery. After swindling an Italian millionaire with his pal Reggie Campbell Peek (played by stalwart of British film and TV, Ronald Fraser), the not very pleased spaghetti eater calls on his friends to get the money back. Said friends are naturally some comedy mafia types, you know the sort, moustaches, hats and pin stripe suits. Hereon in the plot gets slightly convoluted. Reggie dies and the code of his bank account (with the aforementioned Italian’s money in it) is tattooed on the behinds of four of his old girlfriends. Thus begins Charlie’s quest to get the numbers, with the help of various disguises. Oh, and for reasons that escape me now, there is also a British gangster Sid Sabbath on his trail who comically thwarts the Mafias repeated attempts to kill Charlie.
The film is a funnier than you would expect romp featuring a host of “isn’t that the bloke from” faces. For me, not enough was made of the attractive ladies behinds. Considering the main thrust of the plot was the fact that he has to see the bare bottoms of the girls, we see precious little of them, the outstanding example being a surprisingly game Liza Goddard with a brief but welcome nude scene. This was of course before she became a stalwart of bland early evening TV (e.g. Give Us A Clue). A quick look on Wikipedia also reveals that she was married to Colin (Sixth Doctor) Baker and Alvin Stardust (not at the same time!). Blimey! But I digress. The film provides ample opportunity for Dick to put on lots of disguises and silly voices including his ‘Lampwick’ old man and one of his ones with the sticking out teeth, but crucially, he doesn’t over egg the pudding as it were and the film remains on an even keel. So to conclude, this is a reasonably funny transfer and well written to the big screen for Dick Emery. It seems a shame that he never got more chances on the big screen; he would have made an effective character actor. He was probably too busy copping off with young ‘showgirls’, but that is another story…
This is the first of my attempt to watch and chronicle every one of the films in this cycle of sitcom feature film genre. It may take some time, years even, as there appears to be quite a few of them… but watch this space for some more musings soon…

* Having said that, the character of Charlie Tully does don a Mandy style disguise to infiltrate a women’s police training centre in one of the funnier sequences of the film. 

Cinema: 1976!

Hello my fiends, welcome back to the world of KinoKarno...

I thought that I would take a leaf out of The House Of Cobwebs book and take you back in time with the help of an issue of Time Out magazine that I found dated April 30th 1976, specifically to share with you the delights that could be seen at the local cinemas in London that week.

It was a great time for fans of British, and indeed European smut. The big release of the week was The Likely Lads, the film of the great british sitcom, Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads, which the usually highbrow Time Out critics give a surprisingly good review.

We start our journey in the mysterious east, At the Barking Odeon to be precise. The aforementioned Likely Lads can be seen on a double bill with the movie version of Steptoe & Son, but only until Saturday, so get your skates on quick if you want to see that. Also until Saturday is the intrigueing double bill of Brit Smut classic The Ups & Downs Of A Handyman (Certificate X. Phrooar, bound to see a fews boobies in that!) and the violent sounding Torso, an Italian Giallo movie aka Bodies Bear Traces Of Carnal Violence. It would seem that this was a cut version, but looks delightful anyway... From Sunday the lucky Barking residents can don their dirty macs to see Naughty Nurses (Directed by Don Edmonds of notorious Ilsa She Wolf Of The SS fame), I don't know much about this film but according to IMDB the plot is:Teenage nurses give love therapy. As if this wasn't enough for what I can assume was single gentlemen of a certain age in the audience it was being shown with the British made Sex Clinic, produced by Kent Walton and Hazel Adair. Even then this was a hoary old chestnut, and I can only imagine the looks on the punters faces as they quickly get deflated from the sight of Carmen Silvera (yes, her from 'Allo 'Allo) in the altogether.

And now we board the Clapham omnibus and take a trip across London to the Clapham Junction Granada where until Saturday we can view the obscure sounding X rated films Hot & Sexy and When Love Is Lust. Hot & Sexy appears to be the German Bademeister Report, whilst the other film is some kind of Italian sex comedy. No doubt they are both hilarious. I also note that this cinema is also showing the rather weighty controversial rape dramas double bill of Straw Dogs and Soldier Blue.

Over to Clapton and from Sunday to Wednesday we can view some more euro sex comedy with Wife By Night and Hotel Of Free Love, which sadly for all you cine purists out there is listed as being cut and dubbed.

Ignoring the family friendly double bill of The Four Musketeers and The Plank at Croydon ABC we go to the Croydon Focus to see, from Monday, Dick Down Under aka The True Story Of Eskimo Nell and Lay Out For Five Models, of which I can find no information.

Over to Dalston and, what's this? Sophisticated smut for middle class couples with Mike Nichols Carnal Knowledge... Luckily there are also showing a kings ransom of more traditional filth with Joe Sarno's Oversexed in which a shy, withdrawn female scientist invents a formula that turns her into a horny, oversexed nymphomaniac. Sounds like my kind of film. This is on with the German Bed Bunnies, again cut and dubbed. Also on this week is the Danish 'soap opera with a lesbian theme' Threesome and, bizarrely, a biker flick from 1969 Run Angel Run.

A trip on the District Line to Ealing Studios 1 & 2 where (ignoring the undoubtedly amusing Somebody's Stolen Our Russian Spy) we can view Secrets Of Sweet Sixteen, one of the German 'Schulmadchen Report' films, described rather intrigueingly on IMDB as

'Another Ernst Hofbauer schoolgirl exploiter in the same vein as his Schoolgirl Report films, but for this one he raised the sleaze level to new heights with non-pornographic scenes of rape, pedophilia, satanic rituals, virgin sacrifice and golden showers. Despite how it sounds, these acts are played for silly comedy rather than any harsh deptictons'

If you are not spent after that you can stay on to watch Passion Pill Swingers, which is apparently dissapointing. You could then come back on Sunday for the French Clockwork Banana and Passolini rip off The Other Canterbury Tales. Clockwork Banana is also showing at Hendon Odeon with a different Passolini rip off, Decamerons Sexy Kittens.

I don't know where Ewell is but they have the excitement of It Shouldn't Happen To A Vet until Saturday.

Moving swiftly on we arrive at Hammersmith ABC for a great sounding double bill of Pete Walkers House Of Mortal Sin and obscure Blaxploitation Thomasine & Bushrod. If you are looking for something more arousing then a short trip to Hammersmith Broadway for Sexually Yours and Naughty Girls should satisfy you. Possibly.

Quickly over to the Haringey Curzon for two more euro porn quickies A Very Private Party and the German Give 'Em An Inch, aka Hausfrauen Report 3. They sure like their Reports these krazy krauts.

Next to the Harlesden Liberty, where in between screening of seemingly titleless 'Indian films' is a veritable cavalcade of classic British Sauce with Confessions Of A Pop Performer, Carry On Girls and Bless This House!

Hounslow (my beloved hometown) ABC is showing The Likely Lads with a Bob Hope film from the early seventies called Cancel My Reservation. I didn't realise he was still making films then. Anyway, it looks hilarious from what I can make out from these lobby cards that I stole the image of from the interweb. They appear to be displayed in someones toilet.

Hounslow Odeon has a great double bill of The Satanic Rights Of Dracula and Blacula, while for the lovers of 'art' cinema we have Euro porn Sexually Yours and something called The Naughty Girls, which claims to a documentary, but the BFI database has down as a MOCK documentary.

Over to Lewisham Odeon which has a film called Baby Tramp (cert X) which I would love to think is a family comedy about a the wacky adventures of a group of Our Gang style toddler hobos, but probably isn't. It is on with The Keyhole, another X rated film. These two films are super obscure as I can find no reference to them in t'internet.

Also showing is a great sounding bill of American detective comedy porn thriller Superdick and one of my all time favourites, Stanley Long's Sex & The Other Woman.

Leyton is also showing The Ups And Downs Of a Handyman, this time with a film called Weekend Swingers, which can only be a disappointment after the delirious sexual shenanigans of Handyman. Also showing is the surprisingly pornographic and sometimes nasty Brit Smut film Erotic Inferno showing with the generic sounding Euro porn Hot Acts Of Love.

Quickly over to Notting Hill for another screening of Sex Clinic, then over to the Purley Astoria to catch Ups And Downs Of A Handyman again.

Romford has a great sounding double bill of Sweden's Around the World With Fanny Hill and The Case Of The Smiling Stiffs. Then from Sunday another chance to see Sex Clinic.

Tottenham Studios is a place for for the serious perv brigade for, as well as showing Truck Stop Women and When Girls Undress, they have Studio X, which promises 'Uncensored Sex Films. Members Only'.

Walthamstow has Brit Smut comedy double bill of The Love Box and Eskimo Nell.

Finally we come to a halt on our tour of suburban cinemas at at Wimbledon to see the peculiar double bill of Ups and Downs of A Handyman and Caged Heat. I also note that they are showing the barely heard of Peter Sellers film, Where Does It Hurt.

The West End of Londinium mainly showed the latest releases, but they were pockets of porn to be had, the Astral showing They Love Sex, Lusty Lovers, Erotic Inferno and Hot Acts Of Love and the Classic Moulin with Brit sexcom I'm Not Feeling Myself Tonight and Housewives On The Job (another german 'Report'!) which apparently is cut from 84 mins to 64!

For lovers of smut it would appear that virtually every suburban picture house had a fine choice and one can only imagine the audience of greasy sideburned, mac wearing middleaged men that made up the audiences. Sadly I was only five at the time and too young to appreciate it, but when they invent the Time Machine I will be donning my beige mac and zipping back to 1976 to immerse myself in the world of Suburban Filth.

None of these films will be showing at a cinema near you soon.

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